We Should All Petition Yahoo to Remove PIMs: It’s Time to Banish this Joke of a Category

Fucking PIMs. For season we have suffered through this pointless category—an ode to a rough-and-tumble era when players with fists of fury were seen as essential to the game. But in 2024? It’s time to finally say goodbye to PIMs once and for all.

Let’s be real: PIMs have overstayed their welcome like that one friend who refuses to leave after the party’s over, now lounging on your couch, hoarding the chips. Once upon a time, penalty minutes had some sort of value when enforcers patrolled the ice, and goons were considered part of the strategy. Back then, racking up PIMs was a badge of honor—a sign that your tough guy was “doing his job.” But now? It’s as random as drawing straws, and worse, it actively rewards players for doing something harmful to their team. We should all be asking: Why are we still giving fantasy points for bad hockey?

PIMs also skew the game in ridiculous ways. While you’re out there searching for a player who can miraculously score and drop the gloves, your opponent is coasting to the playoffs with Connor McDavid and Cale Makar, who don’t need to waste time in the penalty box to win games. The randomness of PIMs turns fantasy hockey into a dice roll, where you might luck out with some guy who randomly loses his cool and fights. But is that skill? Hardly.

The NHL has evolved, leaning into speed, skill, and finesse. Grit still has its place, but teams aren’t rewarding players for spending time in the penalty box. It’s not the 90s anymore, and fantasy hockey should reflect that. We’re supposed to reward contributions that actually help teams win games—like blocks, hits, or even faceoff wins. Something tangible. PIMs, on the other hand, reward chaos and unpredictability.

Some diehard purists will argue, “But PIMs are part of the game.” Sure, they exist. But so do broken sticks and bad passes, and we’re not giving out points for those. PIMs add an element of randomness that distorts fantasy hockey’s goal—to measure player performance based on skill and impact.

If Yahoo cares about the integrity of fantasy hockey, they’ll drop PIMs like a goon getting ejected. Fantasy hockey should be about assembling a winning team, not drafting players who occasionally snap and punch someone. Because let’s be honest, if you’re still clinging to PIMs, you might as well draft a fax machine while you’re at it.

It’s 2024, folks—let’s leave the goons, and their random penalties, in the past. Now, where do I sign this petition?